Opportunivores – unite someplace else

Trying the vegan thing has been successful.  Up to the point where when I stray into the dairy foods for a weekend, I wake up feeling like I have a hangover without the alcohol.  And if I want to feel like that, I at least want to first reap the benefit of 5 mixed drinks and throwing out an uninhibited insult or two at the little desperate whores grinding those chubby business men over there (soooo angry drunk.)  So what’d my mom say when I told her about the vegan thing?  You’ve been in California too long.  But really, first you should try taking those enzymes I was telling you about.  Geeze mom.  Enzymes, why didn’t I think of that…  Tell me mom, what are enzymes?

So California has tainted my brain by making me think I can cure my own woes.  But here’s my problem with middle-America.  Are you ready middle-America?  okay, here it is.

Middle-America will shove anything in their mouth, whether it be prescribed by a doctor or suggested by the sample lady at the grocery store.  And I can’t take claim for this term (thank you Mr. Barnell), but I think it adequately describes middle-Americans (as well as general office workers) – Opportunivores.  Given the opportunity to put something in your mouth, you will.  Opportunivore. 

Food – okay, I understand it’s yummy and some people have stomachs that can break down plastics.  A bigger concern of mine is what are your doctors telling you and why are you listening?  A doctor suggests you take a spoonful of enzymes, (are they wiggly bugs these enzymes?) and you’ll take it?  Do you really want to be an opportunivore at the doctor’s office?  Do you?  okay, fine, just take your pills.  But don’t be a pusher.

So theraputic this blog is. 


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Filed under Life, Vegetarian

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