I don’t talk about it because I don’t want to be a stereotypical girl with a body image issue. And it’s a sensitive topic to the girls who do have body image issues, so I try and avoid it altogether. But people project, and that’s where I’m drawing the line.
I could eat the same thing every day for the rest of my life and care less. It’s not that I don’t like food, I just have no appreciation for it. There are things I like – good cupcakes, french macaroons, figs, hummus – but please don’t go on and on about how I must try this b/c I will simply die it is so good. Food does not excite me. Okay, hummus and figs do, just a little.
And so someone at work noticed I lost some weight and asked if I was eating. I said something along the line of ‘yeah, I haven’t worked out in a while and I think I lost a lot of muscle.’ And what did he do? He rolled his eyes and said ‘yeah, okay’ and walked away. That annoyed me. That so annoyed me. And it’s not just at work. I avoid telling doctors about my dietary oddities because they think I am just a girl trying to keep thin. No meat, no cheese, no substantial source of dairy has already resulted in several doctors looking me up and down and then asking ‘why?’ And I don’t think I could ever have an answer that’s good enough because all they see is a 20-something girl that’s prime demographic for an eating disorder. I hate falling into stereotypes.
I used to run about 4 times a week prior to starting classes in July and since then I haven’t done jack. Not even a single squat or lunge aside from the pathetic run I did this past weekend to try and break this cycle. I’ve watched my body go from pretty firm to fairly squishy. I also avoid cheese and creamy dairy products (why? b/c there’s puss and blood in the milk. It’s true, although I’ll save it for a different time.) And I feel like my body deflated on me. Ex-boy can back me up on this, he watched it too. And guess what – he also watched me eat.
So I eat pretty much the same food every day for every meal unless the creature of routine in me begs for something else, but that isn’t often. And I don’t care what you think. But don’t go concocting excuses to justify my lack of interest in food. Because if you do, I will do to you what I am doing to the guy in the office – spread a rumor that he kills baby pigs and drains their blood to put in his morning sausage.