because we can all just wonder until we’re blue in the face

It gets hard to leave once I come home because I start to remember what it was like to live here and what it would have been like if I had stayed hidden in my closet the night before I left for school, in tears, on the phone with my best friend, asking her over and over why I was moving to New York having never stepped foot there.  And she bossed me around as usual and said you have to go, so stop your whinin’, get some sleep so you can catch that flight in the morning.  And she was right. 

But I left already.  And do I keep going or do I decide that it’s time to come home? 

And all those stupid things I wonder about.  What if I hadn’t had met ex-boy at 19, where would I be?  What if I came home after college?  What if I had stayed at that little chicken coop in New Hampshire that whole summer?  What if I hadn’t of sent those letters?  even up to the point where I wonder about that stupid boy who stood me up at senior prom, would my dating life be different if that hadn’t of happened? 

But I guess it doesn’t matter, because it’s the decisions that have been made that are most important.  And when the time comes, I’ll know if it’s right for me to come back home. 

and I still went to my senior prom – without a date, and I had fun.  (and yes I did find my old prom dress and tried it on.  still fits thank you very much.)

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