Losing Steam

I’ve spent the last 2 weeks in an over-sized hoodie, jeans, and sneakers.  And I try not to let too many people know, but I usually don’t shower on the weekends.  Because if I’m just going to turn around and do another hike tomorrow why bother?  Don’t even ask about the amount of effort it took to get out of bed, run Jack, and then put on something reasonably acceptable just to go into the office those few days in between holidays.  And the hair, it has been in a bun for 2 weeks straight so that when I finally do take it down it starts falling out and I have a momentary panic. 

So now that I have to go back into the world outside my bubble, I’m having major security issues.  Starting with the dream that brought me into the new year – going to a high school pool party where EVERY boy that has ever made me feel insecure in my whole life was there.  With me in a bikini.  That doesn’t mean anything at all.  And it certainly doesn’t bring to mind that time I was standing in line at Borders, first day in the new nerdy glasses, and the blond in the business suit cut in front of me.  Then a brief moment later she turned around and said “oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t see you!  You blend into everything.”  She even did a little circular motion with her hand to indicate that by everything, she meant the front tables, shelves, and bookcases behind those. 

Why the lack of a time crunch schedule somehow zaps my self-worth I’m not sure, but it’s kind of sucky because I’ve been a piss.

And since I didn’t want to feel that way anymore today I put on a hideous pink hoodie for the Jack walk.  It’s god-awful and I have no idea why I bought it, but it’s not the grey baggy Skiddy crew hoodie. 

And next week, I’m getting banged. 

And if that doesn’t do it, at least I have snowboarding in a couple of weeks.  Because the only thing that tops the kick-ass feeling of being able to out-run and out-hike ex-boy is kicking his ass on the bunny slope.  Actually, just being able to stay upright getting off the lift ought to do it.

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