in need of new baby daddy

Ex-boy welcomed in the new year by taking a short cut off the path on the 8-mile hike and finding satan who then crawled under his skin in hopes of doing dirty deeds.  The devil’s now seeping out in the form of this (okay, after a colleague complaint, warning that there is an ass-shot that may or may not be mine in that link b/c really you can’t prove it b/c there is no face attached.)  And it’s deeeesgusting.  I’ve kicked him out of my apartment several times but despite my efforts a patch has popped up near my belly button.  Except the devil knows goodness cannot be contaminated b/c it isn’t spreading or leaking or causing serious shame like ex-boy’s is. 

I feel kind of bad because I have to explain to Jack why his father figure will soon have to be replaced for a cleaner model that isn’t leaking fluid from the arm.  But also because I can see the look of dirty across ex-boy’s face.  He sits on my couch with a look of self-disgust like he wants to boil himself in rubbing alcohol and sterilize anything he has touched.  So I tell him to leave.  Because what he needs to now learn is that I feel that same way once a month for 5-7 days because god felt I spited him so.


Filed under Life

2 responses to “in need of new baby daddy

  1. boy

    A few corrections here… 1) You’ve already attempted to replace this father figure, hence the “ex-boy” label. 2) I have not been told to leave.
    Everything else, from the demon seed swirling beneath my skin to the fact that your bajango is paying for the sin of all womankind, is absolutely true.
    And I do feel incredibly disgustingly horrendously dirty.

  2. Mom

    OK what’s going on here?
    Mom, who goes crazy and imagins everything terrible, with love.

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