Dirty Little Secret

not so dirty. more so shame on me. but I have horrible eating habits. it’s a dirty little secret because people think I eat really healthy because I preach it like no-body’s business and am really into that healthy lifestyle nonsense, and overall I think I eat better than most people. but if heaven exists it’d be a place where I can eat stale cakey donuts, stale cotton candy and marshmallows, saltines, and figs all the livelong day.

During the holidays while at work I was pushing 3 cups of coffee daily with tons of sugar and if someone set out a box of cookies, which was nearly daily, I’d be responsible for clearing half the box. And I have tried 3 times this year to try the Master Cleanse, a trendy 9-day fast that involves drinking a cayenne pepper maple syrup lemonade, laxative tea at night, and mint tea throughout the day. But it’s like setting yourself up in the new year just to let yourself down. I wanted to break my sugar habit – the same sugar habit that drove me to break the fast by going on a pastry hunt for the biggest sugar bomb within walking distance all three times I tried it.

The worst part of my sugar habit is that I hide it very well. When ex-boy turns his back, I can easily down 5 marshmallows keeping 2 jumbos in my cheeks for later without him noticing. A commercial came out a while back that had an average sized woman coming home from work and reaching into the fridge to pull out a huge piece of chocolate cake for dinner and the message was staying healthy isn’t just about size. I had been found out and exposed, bastard health insurance companies.

So shame on me. And now that I have confessed, and will surely get a lecturing call from my mom, maybe I’ll now work a little harder to change my habits. I can at least say that I’m back to drinking tea instead of coffee, the pale and weak herbal kind of course.


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