makes me want to cringe

A friend of mine recently went through a whirlwind relationship.  It was an intense 1 yr. relationship that she was convinced was the one she wanted to stay in.  The man she was with broke up with her, without any real explanation.  This was at the end of summer.  And the guy who broke her heart is in town and she wants to make sure she is busy so she doesn’t end up making a fool of herself.  Understanding where she’s coming from, I don’t understand why girls do this to themselves.

I explained to a friend over dinner last week the deal with the other guy.  She understood the whole feeling of no closure but not being able to just say he’s a dick and be done with it b/c he’s not a complete wank.  But I couldn’t justify all the stupid little things I kept doing knowing that I had no desire to pursue anything.  I don’t want to repeat a relationship that brought out the mean in me.  Also, in the time since then, ex-boy and I have been building something with more care and respect than before and I think that speaks volumes of where I hope it will lead.  But I kept throwing myself out there and then feeling like a sick puppy dog.  And I think my friend is on the verge of doing the same.  Logic isn’t going to talk her out of asking this guy if he wants to meet for dinner.  And when he says no, it’s going to hurt her.  It’s high school behaviour.  And it makes me want to cringe that I have to learn lessons from puberty again at the age of 26. 

I finally erased everything, all e-mails, web sites cached in browser, never put that telephone # back in my phone b/c I knew damn well I was never going to call it or vice versa so I don’t know why I wanted it there.  And it helps me look at what’s in front of my face (ex-boy, literally, usually trying to get me to stop being stubborn and hug him back).  I hope my friend can do the same soon.

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