I should have just given him a pen

Say Anything has been on replay all weekend on TV Land and I kept catching clips of it.  At one point I caught it at that point when she confesses her love in that sad moment that begs to be mocked.  I ran into the other room with full intention of faking some tears and sticking out my bottom lip and have it quiver a few times as I repeated “I love you,” gradually fading out into pathetic to see if ex-boy could guess what I had been watching.  (not to mock that particular movie because I really do love it and keep begging someone, anyone, to give me a John Cusack love confession because if you do, I will be yours.)  But the point is, I stopped, tripped up, got the pathetic face on, brought the quiver, but I couldn’t say the words.

Because I haven’t said those words to ex-boy since last June.  And what if he didn’t realize I was re-enacting a scene from a movie and he said it back and we’ve each been waiting for the other to say it for the first time because it’s been so long.  But words that once weighed a measly 2 lbs have fattened up in 7 years time to the weight of an obese man about to belly dive off the high board. 

So I covered up the re-enactment attempt with an aerobatic move off the wall that would have, should have, landed me straight square on top of boy in the bed but an elbow to the knee later and I’m wondering about the long-term effect the abuse to my knees as of late will have….

so much for love.

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7 Comments

Filed under Life, Love

7 responses to “I should have just given him a pen

  1. boy

    For the record, I’m not waiting for you to say it, and I wouldn’t have said it back just because you did. And on the B-side, I had a John Cusack speech ready to go back in September… I was steps away from the BART so I could meet you outside your work and proudly mumble and stumble my way through it… but I wised up.
    And what are you doing jumping off of walls at your age?

  2. is this one of those things that you do after birthdays and holidays, like I was going to get you that but “I wised up” or is it more like “I didn’t get you flowers because I thought I had gotten you flowers at some point before in our relationship” (7 yrs, no flowers) or is it kind of like “damn, bitch, you a fool” because if I’m being a fool going back to you, now would be the time to tell me.
    and i’m actually 23, fool.

  3. boy

    nope, i wised up meaning i realized no amount of Cusack monologues would have turned you away from your chosen path and back to me. i remember the text message that set me straight quite clearly…
    and no, i may not have given you cut flowers guaranteed to die in days like a goldfish from the county fair, but i have given you many beautiful potted flowers designed to live with you with us for much longer. sure it was a death sentence for the orchids when i handed them over to you, but they still lasted longer than cut flowers would…
    and while it’s true, i do often speak with an urban vernacular, i neither believe you a bitch nor a fool. i very much want you to come back to me as long as its your choice, not because i’m a safety net to catch you after your failed experiment…
    and lastly, you look quite lovely for 23.

  4. so yeah, i’m insecure. blame the other guy.

  5. DawnGN

    Oh, you too are so sweet! Please come back together! Life is too short for meaningless arguments…

    This is the first time I´ve read your blog, so I dont know all the story but please would you keep us informed?

    I´ve found you two through a Google alert on John Cusack…its funny how he has been playing Cupid…

  6. Katherine

    I’m sorry but is this not the perfect illustration for this blog post? http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/gallery/2007/04/05/GA2007040501052.html

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