Last night (or this morning) around 2 am Jack started going in circles around on the bed, grabbing all his toys and dragging them into the bed, hopping on and off the bed. I can usually sleep through it, but if boy is over I wake up to the shuffles of him launching Jack off and Jack thinking he’s playing and lunging back and boy cursing and everyone gets irked. This was the scene 2 am last night so I yanked Jack over to my side and did my calming wind-down time speech to get him to relax which seemed to be working until he sat up. I was trying to get him to lie down when it happened – BLeCkACk ErG. (yes, that was sound effect for vomitus.) And the thing is, Jack didn’t even know it was coming. Like little babies that vomit projectile straight out without a hint of it coming, Jack just sat there and spewed all over my arm as I was trying to comfort him. And when a dog vomits, you know all he really wants is to eat it. So I jumped up and held him back with vomit all over my arm and bounced over boy into the kitchen to get paper towels to clean up. I cleaned it up best I could, laid paper towels over the sheets, then laid over them as I got Jack to sprawl across my belly so I could rub his belly because he was freaked out from having thrown up. And I fell asleep, in remnants of vomit that I found this morning as I ripped the sheets off my bed.
And while the idea of sleeping in dog vomit is nasty, I didn’t think twice about it because all I could think of is “what did he eat?! what did he eat?!” I fell asleep thinking I would be working from home today to monitor him if he was at all lethargic (he wasn’t, he was up and ready to run a marathon at 6 am.) And this topped off with the fact that boy and I have been getting in little tiffs in public on how to properly discipline Jack when he lunges for people (I’ve inherited my mother’s concern for how I look in public and get too shy to discipline him. I’ve resorted to a pinch collar, despite suggestions of gentle leader and other methods, he’s come too close to nipping people so I need to get the point across quick.) It has me questioning my capacity for being a good parent and whether or not I could ever be a parent with boy because most of the tiffs have me walking away mumbling “this is my goddamn dog and I ain’t ever having your baby, mister.”
In the very least, delaying parenthood is not something I’m questioning anymore. (not that I really was before, but you know…)