let’s try this again

I had a very bad start to the week.  It didn’t help that most of the weekend I spent plastered to the bed sheets in my own germiness.  Boy went out Friday night with a friend and came back to find me drugged out in bed barely able to talk.  I woke up Saturday morning, walked into the bathroom, and took a moment to yell at boy because doofus was using my toothbrush.  Why was he using my toothbrush?  B/c orange is his favorite color, so why wouldn’t the orange one be his?  So after sleeping Saturday afternoon away, I picked up boy from work and he was of course feeling crummy.  So we both drugged up for another night of raspy gasping for breath germiness.  Poor Jack laid in between us until about 11am Sunday, staring, waiting for someone to wake up so he could relieve his bladder. 

Sunday I was fed up with the germiness so decided to get outside for a walk.  Boy and I went with a friend who just looked at me several times asking “are you sure you can do this?” because I sounded like Darth Vader.  I was like yeah, just get me out of this stale air pahhllllleeeeaaase.  So we went, and Jack was happy, but when we got back I was pretty incoherent and starving and barely peeled myself off the couch to go get some food.  And I don’t know about anyone else, but whenever I have a cold, my appetite is huge, and, well, everything seems to go right through me.  I blame all the cold medicine, but needless to say it’s not a good combination while sitting in a restaurant, feeling really loopy, and having eaten a bunch of tofu…  Yeeeaaah, I’m sure my friend is real happy to learn that little tidbit about me.  On the ride home boy and my friend were talking about how full they were and I all could think about was how I really wanted cake because it may have only taken 2 minutes but I’m pretty sure there was nothing left in my stomach…

So this morning I woke up to boy rolling over and opening one eye before asking “so, did you hack up both lungs or just one lung last night.”  I’m not sure because honestly I just ran to the bathroom and chugged much more than the recommended dose of Robitussin.  Feeling okay I headed to work knowing I had a lot to make up from Friday and not an hour into my day, that other lung was trying to jump out of my chest as I sat there and hacked away.  It was gross.  If I were listening to that, I would be pissed that that person had even come into work only to spew germs across the cubes.  So I asked my boss if I could finish up and work from home, swigged more than the recommended dose of Robitussin, and tried to finish my work.  But… my computer froze.  and oh. I. was. irked.  Just pissed that I was sick, pissed that I was hungry, pissed that no food would stay in my stomach, and pissed at my computer.  So I stayed until about 1 and walked to the BART refusing to blink because if I did the tears would fall down my face.  I called boy and grumped and hmphed and got really pissy and he just said “come over here.”  So we went out to lunch so I could get some food in me (yeah, didn’t stay there long…) and I could calm down before coming home and continue my work, which still isn’t close to a reasonable point and I’ll be finishing some stuff up tonight. 

So I’m at that point where i’m sick of being sick.  And yeah, it takes 5-7 days, I’m patient, really, I am. But other people?  Well, not so much.  It’s like e-mail and work won’t let you have 5-7 days to recover.  If they did, I would never have gone into work today in the first place.  But there’s this work hard, play hard mentality that seems to come with rising in the ranks, and I don’t like it.  I don’t want to work hard, play hard.  I just want balance.  So boy tells me this is a good lesson on what point of stress I can take and how to deal with it in the future, but if i’m unable to deal with it, then whatever it is that’s causing it isn’t worth it.  So I’ve calmed down for now, sterilized my apartment, will sit in the bath tonight and wrap up some work, mainly e-mail house cleaning, but I’m now approaching work with a new wary outlook.  Work hard, play hard?  No thanks.  I’d rather enjoy the day-to-day.

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