I can’t shake it. It settled in the other night while having dinner with my friend. It’s nice to have someone who experiences the same bi-polar issues in a relationship. One minute it’s a blissful optimistic “I really want to get married now,” the next minute I want to run, far and fast. But I think the fact that EVERY time we are together this is the issue, for what seems like years on end, has started to get me down.
But it’s also the fact that the cold I had the other week has still got me running at less than 100%. I have that pathetic left over cough where my chest is too tired to help force out any of the cold remnants and I’m still tired all the time.
Also I was looking forward to a brides maids reunion from my friend’s wedding last year. While I wasn’t ecstatic about being a brides maid (sorry Mrs. K, but you know me), once I met the other girls we really clicked. And the location was awesome. And we had really great conversation and old fashioned girl bonding. I can honestly say I miss those girls. And I had the conversation with boy last night about how it wouldn’t be economically practical for me to go, but I think it might be worth it because I really do want to go. Only to get a facebook message that BlogHer is the same weekend. I’m excited about BlogHer, don’t get me wrong, but I really want to see those girls and spend a weekend in Maine. I need a girls weekend.
Lastly, the economy has got me down. I feel silly to admit this, but it’s true. I’m glad I dont’ buy milk, eggs or meat since I don’t consume any of those things, but I feel bad for the farmers in the mid-west and the people losing their jobs or reduced in their work hours. My friend’s dad was cut to 4 days a week and her mom received a pink slip a few months ago for the end of the school year.
As a joke sometimes boy turns to me and says “Al, one person cannot change the world.” It’s a joke because he knows how pissed off this makes me. Seriously, I can’t stand this attitude. It works me up into a fit and I get up on my soap box and start going on and on until he giggles and admits to me he does not feel this way and I usually make him swear he does not feel this way a few more times before I can calm down. But the feeling I have, it’s similar to this. A what’s the point kind of feeling. Defeated.
On the bright side there are 2 things. My grandmother is coming home from rehab on Friday. And the doctors are proud of her progress. And that makes me proud of her. She has not been defeated.
Secondly, my best friend is in a whirl of drama chaos right now. But it’s such a good reminder to make sure I tell the people who are important to me how much I love them. Every time we hang up I tell my best friend that I love her and that reassurance is very important to me. It’s chaotic for her, but I hope those words help her. Because I know hearing them from her helps me.