Sex Education

a post not intended for family.

In college, a beloved friend took me into her dorm room, closed the door, and gave me a sex talk.  It was funny as hell, involved web sites, and may have ended with a picture of Tyrone –  a naked man on a couch, spread eagle, with the biggest prosthetic dick that scared the shit out of me but yet I found myself unable to look away.  I can only say that this sex talk was much needed.  Previous sex talks involved my mom trying to use the metaphor of turtles, a menstruation pamphlet from YM magazine, and my grandfather bringing over brochures from the local Women and Children’s hospital to me, my mom, and my sister.  Needless to say, when he left, us three girls laughed until we cried because holy shit that was awkward and about five years late. 

What my friend told me was the best information to date.  She said basically don’t start having sex until you can accept the fact that you may get pregnant and can discuss this with the person you’re sleeping with.  She forced me to think about wether or not I would be capable of having an abortion.  And if I’m not, accept the fact that by having sex, I could get pregnant.  I if I couldn’t accept that fact, I wasn’t ready to have sex.  It was a good lesson. 

And then there comes a time in girl’s life where she takes her first pregnancy test.  I think even if you know you’re not pregnant, something about the experience is a little emotionally jarring.  I’ve talked about it with most of my friends.  We’ve all seem to have done it, but don’t really discuss it.  I’ve peed on a stick probably 3 or 4 times.  I once stood in Walgreens on the phone with my best friend about to buy a test, but did you know in Walgreens they put the tests in a locked glass case?  At least the one on Market Street does.  The first time I bought the test, I bought about $40 worth of groceries to sort of sneak the box in.  Like hell I was going to get a clerk to unlock the case in the narrow little aisle.  And all those other times?  It’s just bad PMS is all.  Every time I have bad PMS I swear I think I’m pregnant because I can’t possibly be this moody and bloated without an excuse.  But I really am that bloated and moody.

And then with all of my colleagues married and having babies, I jokingly said to a colleague my age “i’m kind of scared being around these people i’m going to end up pregnant, and how scandalous would that be b/c I have no intention of getting married.”  She got wide-eyed and serious and leaned over to me to whisper, “no joke.” 

I’m a proponent of family planning.  And I don’t think pills should be called birth control.  I started taking birth control loooong before using it as birth control.  Most sexually active women have had miscarriages and not known it.  That’s just biology, it’s nothing to be afraid of.  I was 19 when I first went to the obgyn only to discover that I should have been going since I was 16.  But I think despite commercials with Yaz screaming its benefits in your face and streams of water coming down on EPT tests women still hide the topic from each other.  If you’re a girl, are you still using pads and tampons when there are things such as Instead and the Keeper?  yeah.  that’s what I thought.  We grow up using what our mothers teach us and don’t often question those ways.  Because who are you going to raise those questions to? 

Anyway, I’ll never forget my first web experience with Tyrone.  It was special.



Filed under Life

3 responses to “Sex Education

  1. kathyomm

    We’ll have to ask Ashley if she even REMEMBERS sending me that awful picture. Oh Tyrone. She was the one. Surprised?

  2. That definitely completes my picture of Ashley. Quite the gal, that one. No wonder we get along so well. 🙂

  3. ..sorry for intruding…I just stumbled across your blog. I think that lesson is the best I have come across, linking consequences with the decision.

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