Monthly Archives: August 2008

Full Circle

I just got back from my annual tour around the Boston area visiting friends and family.  And I’ve debated several ways to write about this and decided I’ll cover it in a few posts.  The first will be quickly followed by the second because while I hesitate to reflect about last year, I think this is important.  And for some reason it seems better to bury it under another post quickly.

Last year I was a bridesmaid at one of my best friend’s wedding.  We were college roommates and she got me through some very difficult times (let’s see – a floor full of drunken freshmen boys, that CRAZY french lit course where she persuaded me to take the honors section, my sex ed talk, all those tears I shed in Paris, that topless episode on the beach in Nice and I have to be nice because she may have those pictures, the car wreck, the drunken night that followed the car wreck, all the way through graduation).  Here we are (from a visit in March 2007 and the wedding, that’s my back):

And when I got home from her wedding, after lots of heart-to-heart girl conversation with other brides maids, and lots of change happening in my own life, I felt jostled and out of place and this is what happened.  And a cascade followed where this space turned into a break up blog and most people following know the details.

So I met up with the girls in the lovely town of Yarmouth where the sea air coming in through all the open windows in the house finds a way to relax my every worry for a little reunion/vacation this past weekend.  Needless to say we all had a lot of catching up to do not having conversed in a year’s time.  I breezed over details of the past year with eyes rolling at every mistake I made and a low gaze when I spoke about everyone I ended up hurting and I attempted to end the story with my current state (which is far from dismal to say the least).  And, as usual, it seems like I’m the only one who doesn’t hear myself speak. 

I can always tell what I unknowingly emphasized in a story by how people react.  It goes to show how once I get started babbling I really let my mouth go and don’t listen to a word I have to say.  (yeah, this is why I tend to only drink in private company.)  So the girls looked my way, somber-faced, with every intention of drilling into my head that any guy I decide to be with needs to know how fabulous and great I am and I need to know that I deserve just that.  So I shut up, trying to think about what I had said, and was kind of like “umm, did you guys not just hear what I said?  I was a bitch to several people last fall.  Seriously.  a Bitch.”  And then they told me what I wasn’t hearing.

So I’m sitting there eating a chocolate espresso torte with some lemon ginger tea thinking about this.  And you know that sense of relief when you realize finally what exactly it is that has been bothering you? (obviously I’m a little slow in my realizations.)  I exhaled, took another bite of dessert, and felt reassured.

And I said out loud “you know, I really didn’t think I would come back here.  I loved the wedding last year.  I loved being here.  I loved that whole weekend.  But for some reason, I didn’t think I would ever come to visit again and I’m glad I did.”  And my friend turned to me and said, “really you’ve come full circle.”

So I thought about this when I was in the taxi Tuesday evening going from South Station to Logan to head back home.  And maybe I was tired and being a little melodramatic and really wrapped up in my thoughts, but I got a little teary-eyed.  For several reasons actually.  But that full circle bit, we’ve all been there enough to know what it means.  It’s like moving out of an apartment you really loved, or throwing away a tee-shirt that you wore at least once a week for a few years straight, and remember when I blogged about my childhood cat that passed away?  It’s like that.  Only I didn’t know when my cat died that in a few months I would adopt Jack, the mutt that divides my mid-20’s into life before Jack and after Jack.  So those watery eyes that I was trying to hide from the taxi driver?  I was sad.  And happy.  It was a good weekend.

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a little over a year later…

I’m out of town on a business trip this whole week staying at the same hotel I stayed in over a year ago (did I mention how much I love the beds at Westin hotels?  love ’em.)  It was at this hotel I stayed up late one night searching for pre-med programs thinking about whether or not I was capable of going back to school.  And now, over a year later, having completed a full year of pre-med and really excited about continuing, I find that returning here is very sentimental.  I’m embarrassed by how that sounds, but it’s a big realization to know that I was doubting myself over a year ago and still made the decision to try it out.  And I still doubt myself (apparently I will doubt myself to tears after every exam I take) but reminding myself where I was this time last year puts this past year in perspective.  And it’s a good feeling.

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i laughed

What the new Bond theme song should be.

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on being a Twi-tard – and betting you are one too.

I’m dating a book and movie SNOB. Which I don’t usually mind because it means I always have a library to choose from and a movie to watch because his collection is in a spreadsheet somewhere alphabetized, by author, then chronological order, probably color-coded according to genre and date purchased and net value in 10 years – that is if the laser disc is still around in 10 years. (once he tried to impress me by showing a movie on laser disc and then half way through the movie stopped and I could not believe he was serious when he said he had to FLIP THE FUCKING LASER DISC so I was all, is this something from the 1970s?) Anyway, what this also means is that I rarely go off on my own and watch junk movies or books because I’m too lazy to go and buy my own stuff. (But then there was that one time I was sick on pain killers and he came home with the Britney Spears movie from back when she was cute Crossroads and Lilo and Stitch and for some reason that was one of the best nights ever. Because he sat on the couch and watched those movies with me. To give you a time frame, that was back with I wore overalls. mmhmm.)

Now that I’m back in school and my BART commute is much shorter than it once was, I find I have less time to read books for fun, something aside from $150 biology textbooks. I keep trying to read. I’ve picked up Omnivore’s Dilemna, American Gods, Ghostwritten, Love in the Time of Cholera – yeah, I’ve been trying really hard. But I just don’t feel like committing to a book. And I’m a super slow reader, I didn’t exactly score high on reading comprehension on those standardized tests (but I did in math in science yet went on to be an English major – go figure.) So I have 1 month before I jump into both Chemistry and Physics lectures and labs this fall and I want to finish a frickin’ book. So, not listening to boy’s taunts about this series, I put down a Jasper Fforde book and went out and bought Twilight.

Boy has a sordid history with this title. He stirs up trouble over at Film School Rejects with the commenters and he’s coined the name “twi-tards” for them because twilighters are insane. And then there’s a whole audience of mothers who are equally obssessed with Twilight.  (He jokingly calls them Twi-MILFs.) And I think it’s important to be a fan about something. I’m a fan of geek boys on the sole basis that they’re fanboys. It’s cute. But twilighters grew out of being cute a while ago.  Check out this post and the trail of vicious comments it received.

But so far, I’m enjoying the book. It jumps right in, moves fast, I don’t need to think, brings me back to high school. For a slow reader like me who can get caught up in structure and doesn’t really know all those SAT words I should have learned way back when, it’s easy and filling the reading for fun void. And then, today, I found myself ranting to boy about how if they didn’t nail the casting of Edward then the movie doesn’t have a shot for me… Yes, I’m now a twi-tard.

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Kharma

I came home from work today and found boy passed out on the couch.  Thinking I was being oh so sneaky, I took this picture:

And as I downloaded the picture to post it, I noticed some other pictures I didn’t know about.  Apparently, having finished my genetics final the night before and in need of a night with no studying, I downed some wine and crashed on the couch.  So this is what I get for thinking I’m so stealth-like…

Jack’s feet were like that for a while, or so I’m told.  I even got kicked in the face a few times and didn’t seem to notice.  It was good wine.

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In need of a good salt lick

I realize that for some this will come across like me complaining about something like, I don’t know, those girls who can’t put on weight and complain about it?  Yes, we all know about those girls.  But this little issue has actually made a big difference in my day-to-day life.

I have low blood pressure (110/60 usually).  And for some reason as I get older, the numbers keep getting lower.  Which I can only guess is a combination of genetics and running (oddly enough, high blood pressure runs in my family, but I somehow managed to dodge it, quite unlike my sister…)  And about a year and a half ago I started seeing stars when I stood up too quickly or dizzy spells.  At one point when walking around Old Navy I had to grab a clothing rack and racing through my brain was what do I do if I pass out and I’m by myself and did you know that if you have to go to the bathroom and you faint you usually end up going in your pants? (no, it has never happened to me, but I hear ODD stories having friends and family working in retail…) Anyway, that idea kept flashing in my head as well as I entered into dizzy panic.  An Old Navy employee passed by me clinging to the clothes rack and gave me that she’s hiding something glare.  When the dizzy spell passed I jetted out of there to make sure I was safe at home in case it happened again.

So I never made the connection between low blood pressure and dizzy spells.  But recently I read about a nutritionist who had the same issue.  Solution?  Salt on your food.  She had never done this before because as a nutritionist she preached against it.  But you know what?  Not eating overly processed foods and eliminating cheese from my diet, I really don’t consume much salt.  (sugar on the other hand, let’s not go there…)  So I started by eating a bunch of saltines before studying.  And honestly, I felt better.  I was able to concentrate while studying and I felt like I had more energy.  (lack of concentration is also an apparent side effect of low BP, but can I honestly attribute my procrastination to that?)  So now I add a dash of salt to at least one item on my plate, if I remember… 

Because heaven forbid I faint and pee in my pants in public.  Or I start acting like Liza Minelli on Arrested Development.

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